Tag Archives: negotiation

Do You Fall Into This Trap When Trying To Influence Someone?

How Do I Negotiate Better

Have you ever had a situation where someone was committed that they weren’t going to move on something. No matter how many alternatives you suggested? It might be at work or it might be at home.

Him: We never go out anymore

You: Why don’t we go out tonight?

Him: Where were you thinking?

You: How about the cinema?

Him: Not really anything I want to see

You: Quiet drink at the pub?

Him: It’s a bit cold

You: How about a 2 for 1 meal?

Him: I’ve got to be up early in the morning

You: Fine! We won’t go anywhere then!
This is called the “Yes, But” Game. It goes nowhere and is a psychological game we all play. Unfortunately most of us get into this game when we are trying to influence or convince someone of something.

Why is this important?

This is one of the most common traps in a conversation that we can all find ourselves in without realising it.

I posted this on LinkedIn and many of the responses that came back focused around open and closed questioning techniques.

These work fine – to a point.

The reason is this – the example conversation has nothing to do with wanting to go out. It is started by the man who wants to reinforce his belief that they never go out.

If you fall into the trap of playing his “game” you will ultimately lose because the game you started cannot be won playing by his rules – in other words if you offer solution after solution you will eventually get exhausted of his excuses.

Step 1

The first step to get out of the loop is to have awareness that you are suddenly playing the game.

Step 2

Next immediately stop playing the game.

Step 3

Agree with their initial comment. It is very difficult to disagree with someone who is agreeing with you

Step 4

You now have two choices:

a)   Redirect the conversation by asking them how to solve the problem – this must be done elegantly so it is not noticed by the other individual

b)   Acknowledge their belief and then physically leave or change the conversation completely

For examples of where this example of negotiating has worked in corporate environments have a look here:

http://www.inceptionbusinesssolutions.com/Management.html

Best wishes

Ross

ross@inceptionbusinesssolutions.com

How Much Of Your Time Is Wasted With Internal Politics? And What Do You Do About It?

Personal Agendas Ruining Growth?

Particularly in larger organisations, internal politics can dominate the board rooms as machiavellian games are played out by individuals – often unwittingly. The question is, how much time, money and resources are wasted as a result.

Do peoples personal agendas and “baggage” often cloud the situations and lead to conflict when a more swift decision and agreement is needed?

It is very easy for leaders and managers to say that “we are all heading in the same direction” however, in reality this can be a much more difficult goal to achieve. There are several reasons for this. Most stem from the fact that we all have our own reasons for going to work in the first place. We all have deep psychological needs that we are trying to meet through our job and how we accomplish it.

Where conflict arises is where their needs arent being met and so they retaliate. Bear in mind that this is all happening on a subconsious level.

So i’m interested, how have you manged to reduce conflict in the board room?

Is the decoupling of number of facebook users and share price a concern for us all?

Emperors New Clothes?

Social media. We all talk about how important it is. We are all aware of its impact on society. The question is really – Is it actually going to grow my business?

I am always amazed at people who proclaim social media to be critical to the growth of their company and revenue. Well again here is the biggest example of that NOT being true. Facebook has over 1 billion users and yet it’s share price continues to fall as revenue projections consistently fail to materialise. Bigger is not better.

And maybe we can see this already closer to home. I have attended several networking events with social media “experts” and “gurus”. Thing is, anyone can call themselves a guru or expert last time I checked there was no certified body handing these qualifications out. Anyway, they are all stood around plying their trade to desparate companies who are trying anything to keep revenue coming in.

My concern with this is this: if you are so good at social and online media – why are you even here? All of your business should be coming through your online activity?

Talk the talk or Walk the Talk?

How can you immediately find out how “good” they really are? Go to their twitter account or facebook page and check how many “likes” or “followers” they actually have. You will be very surprised.